He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize