he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
