I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
