I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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