Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
