I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
