with your own penis?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
