Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
