U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
