This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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