Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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