I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
