ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
