Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
