Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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