matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
