I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
