Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
