Don't make out with my wife yet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
