That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
