His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
