I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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