he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
