Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
