I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
