Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(956): View more from Texas

im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

(214): View more from Texas

Does it taste like semen?

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(515): View more from Iowa

i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer

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(801): View more from Utah

She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.

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