There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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