Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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