a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
