I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize