Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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