omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
