He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize