I'm lost and stupid without you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Randomize
