The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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