also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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