careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just google imaged poop.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
