hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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