it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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