i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Vodka?
Forever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
