Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
