I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
