And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize