How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
