i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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