At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
