I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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