I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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