Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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