Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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