So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
