party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
