he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize