Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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