We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
