Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
