i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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