perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
