Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
