I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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