May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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