Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
