at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
