We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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