You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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