i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
