Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
