i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
