I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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