Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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