She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
