instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
