u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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