i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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