you have to choose: penises or morals?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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