we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
