Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
