hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
