so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
