I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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