Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
