Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
