So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
