Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
