My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The air was thick with penises
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
