Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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