your thong is hanging out like whoa
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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