New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
