Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
