I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
