whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
