Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
