guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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