I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think your dad took our porno
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
