I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
