if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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