I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
