I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
