So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
