That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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