If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
