Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
